Dear Future Husband,
I am sorry….
The reality of growing and evolving into womanhood, (besides learning how to dress and look pretty, getting my education and planning out my future life goals; dreams and ambitions), involved quite a number of moments spent daydreaming about you. Moments where I would try and picture what you would be like, your height, your physique, how your voice would sound, moments spent listing down all the qualities I thought you should have, moments spent day dreaming about the kind of things we would do together, our lives together, the kind of home we would live in.
Dear Future Husband, as I eagerly waited and wondered when I would get to finally meet you, many others came by, flaunting a carbon copy image of you. Painting a beautiful picture of my future with them, long pleasant phone calls, romantic getaways and dinners, soft kisses and after a couple of more dates, the morning after. I remember I’d wonder whether they were you. But just as things seemed to be looking up, the masked image of you began to wear off. Before I knew it, the long pleasant phone calls, turned to ugly, heated arguments, the soft kisses became only but a memory. I gave them my time and my emotions. They all went away each carrying a piece of me, leaving me emptier, wounded and broken.
Dear future husband, I am sorry. I am sorry that in my waiting for you, I got carried away by the could-have- beens. I am sorry that I spent time communicating and giggling with relationships that were only deterring me from meeting you sooner, I am sorry that I allowed the sorta- kindas to take what should have been yours. I am sorry because, before I met you, I already built a past so ugly that might be too difficult to accept. I am sorry because, you will have to listen to it all and it will hurt you. I am sorry for the pain I have not only caused myself, but the pain that I have already caused you.
Dear Future Husband, I hope that you can understand that none of this was done to purposely hurt you. I hope you can see that despite it being ugly, it has nothing to do with the person I am today. My past does not define my present; it only taught me and molded me to becoming the person I am today. If I could do it all over again, I would truly wait for you.
Dear Future Husband, I pray that these feelings of hurt will come to pass away. That you will be able to see that the lesson was not only a lesson for me, but one for you too, for us. Though painful and hard to accept, it’s an opportunity for us to set a grace-filled, God-centered tone for our soon to be new life together. It is an opportunity to learn to love with grace no matter what I do or did.
Dear Future Husband, I am ready to spend the rest of my days loving you.
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